One Year

One year. What is it about one year that seems so short but so long? This timeframe is really stuck in my head right now. I have started a new job that has turned my works upside down. I am no longer at my own home every night, I am no longer sure where I will be working the next week. It feels as though everything has changed.

So why does one year matter? Well my new boss has promised that if I can stick it out for one year, I will be able to get into the side of my new job that I am actually looking forward to. For those who don't know, I'm a social worker, and I specialize in nursing home and subacute rehab work. I have gone from working full time in a building ten minutes from home to now I am temporarily assigned to a building one hundred miles from home. Traveling for work sounds awesome. And sometimes it can be. But when it is every week, when you aren't sure when you can see your friends and family for any meaningful time, it gets tough. 

Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for this opportunity. I am now a consultant. One of the few opportunities for a social worker in my field to actually have a chance at advancement and management. But first. First I have to make it through one year. Our business is growing (yea!) but for now we just need workers. People to be in various building as interim. So that is what I am doing. And it will be okay. It will be a chance to see how my various relationships change, whether strengthening or showing that maybe they weren't so strong to begin with. 

How will your life change in the next year? Maybe a first child? Maybe moving homes or cities or states? Maybe there will be a loss, of a friend or loved one? It's so hard to say. 

I can look back on years in my life and it seems as though things were standing still. And other years you can barely tell that the beginning and end belong to the same person. Honestly, I think this will be somewhere in the middle. At least that's the goal. 

So what now? Now I take it one day at a time. Now I use this opportunity to learn new things, hobbies, skills, and new ways to communicate. Now I listen. To music, to those around me, and to things unseen. 

This could be quite a magical year. *fingers crossed*

For this year - for the hope - for my brain as it runs away with me - "Heathen" by Jillette Johnson

Cinder blocks around my brain
Came to mock but I remain to

Pray, oh, pray
Am I talking to myself, 
Talking to myself
Or brother are you with me?

The muscle of a temperate breeze
Could KO my philosophy

And I feel it shake, 
I feel it shake
I'm at the belly of a well, 
Talking to myself

Lover can you lift me?
Baby, are you still awake, hey, hey
Can I tell you about my night screams?
Would you teach a heathen how to pray?

Cinder blocks around my brain
Came to mock but I remain to

Pray, oh, pray
Axion shake, but I came to pray
I'm at the belly of a well, 
Talking to myself

Lover can you lift me?
Baby, are you still awake, hey, hey
Can I tell you about the night screams?
Would you teach a heathen how to pray?

Oh, brother are you with me?
Baby, are you still awake, hey, hey
Can I tell you about the night screams?
Would you teach a heathen how to pray?
Would you teach a heathen how to pray?
Can I tell you about the lightning
Can I muster up a little faith?

Chicago...Concert....Artist #2

What can I say about Jillette Johnson?

Have you ever heard her music?  Have you ever seen her perform?  Have you ever read her lyrics?

No?

Well...You should have.  I should have.  I am grateful that I now have.

I tend to be extremely picky with female artists.  I don't know why, I just am.  I did not have high hopes before this concert.  Like I said - female artists don't tend to make my top list.

Wow.  I was blown away.  Liz was blown away.  Lainie was blown away.

And this was the night after she couldn't perform as she was so sick.  If she can sound this good when her voice is not up to par - what must she sound like when she is healthy?

My song for today - for remembering this show - is Torpedo from Jillette Johnson.  Again - may I stress - please check her out.  You won't regret it!

True North

I was lucky enough to spend this weekend in Chicago.  The goal was to see Wakey!Wakey! perform.  More on that will be coming soon enough.  But there was a part  of the evening that got me thinking - in fact, got me blogging while I was still standing at the show.  Jillette Johnson opened for Wakey!Wakey! and performed a song that really struck a chord.  These are my thoughts.

 

I don't know if it is a regional, national, or human thing, but people put a ton of emphasis on where we are "from."  That question is a very tough one for me. In fact my sister texted me one day asking how I respond to that question. I was born in Iowa, spent several years in South Carolina, then most of growing up was in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, then since high school I have been in the lower peninsula. 

 

So when someone asks where I'm from, it is not easy to answer. 

 

And really, why does it matter? I understand that where you are raised can have a significant impact on who you are, but too often people make incorrect assumptions based on it. 

 

More often than not, when people hear where I grew up, they assume that I hunt, camp, and know very little of the world. I have never hunted, almost never camped, and while I may not be an expert, I have traveled and been exposed to enough to understand more than people expect. 

 

Maybe we focus on where people are from in an attempt to connect. A chance to find a common ground. Although, aren't there better things to connect about? Where we are from is out of our control and doesn't actually say anything about a person - though we assume it does. Why don't we focus on how we care for those around us, on what is important to us, or on where we sees our future's leading? Those ideas can provide common grounds that can actually provide a basis for a truthful conversation and a relationship based on respect and love rather than geography. 

 

And despite these rantings-home is important. For many people where we are from is less about the city or region and more about the feeling of comfort and safety that comes from remembering or returning to this place. I get this. Even though I will never move back to any of the places I lived before graduating high school, even though I don't even care to visit but every 5-10 years, there is something special about home. Our memories like to play with us and hold on to the best moments. Anyone who knows me well knows that I never really fit in growing up. And that's okay. It has made me who I am. I have many acquaintances, but only one true friend left in that region, and yet. And yet I still feel that occasional pull to go home. To try and recreate what my memory tells me I had there. 

I actually took my husband up there for the first time, after more than 7 years together. And while logically I know that there is nothing for me in that whole peninsula, my heart still pulls. I know I will never live there again, I know that I may not even visit ever again, but nostalgia is a powerful emotion. And that's okay. As long as we go in with open eyes and an open heart. As long as we remember that the place it is now may not be the same as it was, it may not feel the same, we can still take comfort in the memories. 

True North. The path towards home. A path I hope everyone can feel and follow when needed. Whether home is where you were born, where you were raised, where your parents live, or where your current home is - it is important to know where you can find that feeling of safety and peace. Because there are times that it can fix everything, when nothing else could.

So thank you Jillette, for the start of an amazing show, and for the beautiful words on home.